humanimals.

Ever met one of those americhristians who jump out of their skin when someone suggests that we are animals? I was just thinking about that right now. So I said something to one of my sisters, and they got all defensive suddenly about how it was stupid and said something about God not creating us as animals.

I guess I was wondering how it really had any connection with Christianity. So I reasoned with my sisters, as I am apt to doing. I see them turning into bitter people, or people who automatically turn up their chin to people who don’t believe alike. Anyways I explained that the people who proclaim that we are animals are scientists who are looking at just the physical facts: our bodies work like animal’s bodies do.

Still they were saying that people who think we’re animals are “idiots”, so I reasoned further. Perhaps scientists don’t realize the difference between us and animals is that we have a soul and spirit, and animals don’t. This is one fact that science won’t look at however, so there’s no convincing any scientist that we aren’t animals. So, I basically told them that they should just ignore science’s ignorance. But I they still acted intolerant.

Yeah, me and Josh have had some good long talks about americhristians before. They are rather shameful, sorta like a new guy at work who makes a fool out of himself.

memories.

In the past 24 hours I’ve had such a flood of memories in my head that it’s been awe-inspiring. My new computer has this program that will play a slideshow of all the photos on your computer in random order and with music going in the background. So I laid in bed from midnight until two last night watching the slideshow of my photos.  That’s where all the memories were coming from… but they mostly were memories of the last two summers…

Glorieta… Fiesta TX… hanging out with Chris, J, and Preston that one day…

and even the Fiesta TX when I met Jenny and Kendrick, and there and back when we discussed movies we liked and didn’t like and how I hated my new braces.

Then, of course, there was the classic “look at how much we’ve grown” memories.

There were memories of that day at Wendy’s when all went to the mall and the kids rode that horse ride up by Hibbet Sports… playing (more like watching) DDR before it left the arcade.

Then there was the day we dressed up Chris in combat boots, trench coat, and gas mask and walked down the road just to watch people stare at him cause no one expected some 6-foot dude in a gas mask to be around the corner.

All those memories of Glorieta came back. Like the first full day, where we just walked around the whole place so I could take photographs of it all. The little park in the center of the camp with 40, 50 foot trees was really cool, and the lake.

Then, of course, for al the photos I lost I had memories, too. Like all the days hanging out with Allison before he left last summer and how we’d just go to places all day and talk… we’d always end up at Wal-Mart.

The pictures of Lost Maples and all the Bible Quizzing meets are also gone. It’s sad to accept. Those were some good times.

Looking back, though, I think in spite of everything bad that’s happened over the past few years, I’m always saying “those were the good times”. I think sometimes when I look back at life this way, I appreciate it. And it’s not like right now is not going well, it’s fine. It’s just that I wish I could go back and relive those moments somehow more fuller or more easier.

And, yes, sometimes memories make me cry, too.

rubberneckers.

I’ve gotten the message about spending time doing my own thing lately. Seems like sometimes we’ll just sit back, saying, “wow, it’s been a while since I read anything and learned. And it’s been a while since I’ve given God a few good words or so,” but no more thought will go towards it after we’ve admitted it to everyone and they’ve admitted it to us. Do we just get justification from knowing it’s everyone’s same problem too? I guess I have before. Seems like I haven’t put much thought toward that either.

I guess that might be why things never seem to get very far off the ground in that area for me. I mean, honestly, it’s not as if reading the Bible is what God wants us to sit around and do with our whole lives. But still, I’m sure it deserves a few more reads than it gets from me. And I’m sure I need to give it a few more reads. I think perhaps if I had consulted God on more events of late, so much confusion would not have plagued me.

Sometimes I feel like I’ve been running away from home and watching the house shrink behind me faster than I had expected as I look over my shoulder every minute and a half. Then nightfall reaches me and I feel so pointlessly foolish for having left home in the first place. There’s nothing for me outside of home.

*** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***

I’ve continually been getting complaints from people about other people, and it really didn’t bug me until the other day when I discovered everyone’s “new subject” was me and the spectacle I had made of Jenny and myself. I don’t know who was leaking the word to EVERYONE, but quite literally enraged me. I guess I didn’t mind all the gossip until it was concentrated on me. And it was concentrated on me, I was somehow the enemy of all of it, and I really don’t think there was relevance to “who was wrong and who was right” when I said what I said and she did what she did.

So you can imagine the comments I got from some people, but you probably couldn’t imagine my replies. I don’t think I’d been so down right harsh to people in a while. I chewed Chris out, and I don’t feel bad about it. He knowsnothing of what went on, and what goes on inside me at any time for that matter. He and the rest of those kids need to mind their own business, and I purposely avoided the rest of them on Sunday so as to not explode any fuller.

Rubberneckers.

summer day one.

Well, today’s been pretty awesome so far. Hopefully that won’t change through any misfortune. I relish good days… especially lately. I am off today, so you know what that means: I’ve gotten to sit around on my new computer all day. Yeah, I’m still not sick of it. Heck, if JOSH isn’t sick of his “new computer” and it’s almost a year old, it may take me a while. I carry this thing around like it’s a baby girl.

Right now, I’m trying to figure out how to rip DVDs to my hard drive so I don’t have to carry around the actual discs everywhere with me (as if it would be that hard). So far, it’s lookin like there’s no Window programs that’re gonna do a good job. Typical. Josh could rip DVDs from DAY ONE on his Mac I think. Oh well, we can’t all be rich.

Well, now I guess I won’t be able to see my friends three times a week anymore. I know AWANA ended a few weeks back, but I guess I didn’t feel the effects until now. It really kinda sucks. I mean, I was HOME all the freakin time being homeschooled and all. It doesn’t even feel like summer, cause what am I STILL DOING? Sitting around at home without any friends.

I think Hannah and I are gonna watch the rest of Lonesome Dove tonight. This will be my second time through the series, and I’m loving it just the same as the first time. I think that’s probably one of the best movies I’ve ever seen. It’s such a good love story.

I seriously have NOTHING to write about. Chris, Josh, and I aren’t meeting tonight. It kinda sucks. Josh went out of town and didn’t tell me, and Chris just has other plans (for the THIRD WEEK IN A ROW). I’m starting to think it was some aimless desire. Oh well, maybe we’ll meet again next week.

I’m gonna find something else to do now.

isaac spits.

 

life.

It astonishes me that every time I turn around, things seems different than they were when last I left them. I wish I could tend to everything in my life at once, but I’m always getting bogged down into the details of life and let everything get overgrown everywhere else. If that makes no sense, I guess I’m basically feeling like there’s so much in my life that I can’t manage it all. And there’s no allusions or hidden meanings in what I’m typing. I feel like a wimp who can’t lift a heavy box or something.

I strike out with confidence toward something and everything else behind me goes wrong. Why can’t I manage? Why can’t I handle things? Times like these make me feel like such a failure.

……………………………………………………

Talked with Lawrence just now, and he kinda helped me realize some things I wasn’t thinking about. I guess it all kinda ties up everything that going on right now, too. He helped me realize you know what, I’m not “finished” yet. There’s still a lot of time between right now and… well, whenever, I guess. At least there’s a year between me and being out on my own, there’s a day between me and tomorrow and even one hour can change my entire life.

Everywhere I’ve turned lately I’ve heard one phrase OVER AND OVER. “You should just take things a day at a time… you don’t know what tomorrow’s gonna bring.” There’s a lot of days ahead, and I’m ready for them. I feel confident in knowing I’m not finished yet and I think bad things will get better.

It’s just those times when I get myself into a something with no easy way out, and I didn’t think twice about it before. Then I got to make a big decision that’s just gonna screw a lot of things up and hurt people. It’s so bittersweet when you have to take a hard perspective toward something you want so bad and have to make changes. It’s so hard to wait on life sometimes.

I still feel very confident in my future… and I can’t WAIT for what it will hold. All the days ahead will just be spent in waiting. But waiting on things you trust is a lesser battle.

"Whom shall I blame for this sweet and heavy trouble? For every stupid struggle, I don't know. I could buy you a drink. I could tell you all about it. I could tell you why I doubted and why I still believe." - Pedro the Lion.

got it.

Well everyone, I finally got my laptop today. Or, well actually it was more like yesterday cause it’s one in the morning and I haven’t been able to sleep yet. So far, this computer is more than I imagined it would be. I like it more than I thought I would, too. I won’t get into too much technical detail, because I don’t want to bore you all, but allow me to explain why it’s more than I had imagined.

It’s gonna take some getting used to being able to multitask so well on this machine. On my old computer, there was like NO SUCH THING as multitasking. On this computer, I can run like three or four processes at a time, really. I can be listening o music with Windows Media Player, using the internet and watching streaming video all while I am copying files from a CD or DVD to my computer now. It’s too hot to handle!

The coolest thing that I think I’ve discovered yet it that it’s REALLY QUIET. For instance, I’m sitting here typing and using the battery. It’s completely silent. It’s weird FOR ME I guess cause I’ve always had that old laptop that always makes noise whenever and whatever you’re doing. Oh yeah, and speaking of battery. I just unplugged it to lay in bed and type and it says I have 5 hours 15 minutes left of battery. If you don’t know anything about batteries, most laptops will last you 2 and one half hours. But I have the miracle machine.

It’s lookin like work’s gonna undergo some big changes. Summer’s coming and Rick says everything gets a whole lot harder during summer, so I’m gonna be working HARD in the next few weeks. However, he DID say that I’d prolly get less hours and more days off because his staff is over packed and until they let some people go, or someone else quits, ii’m gonna lose time. It’s doesn’t bother me too much, though. At least I have this thing ordered and in my hands already.

The nest three things I’m going for (as in “buying this summer”) will be 1.) a digital camcorder 2.) a digital camera with wide-angle/telephoto/macro lenses, and 3.) a car, of course. My dad’s looking at getting me one of those moped/mini-bike things. He wants to sell his motorcycle to get me one so I can get a license and transport myself to work. It sounds pretty cool. I’m still getting a car, but heck this’ll save a lot on gas and it’ll prolly be a heck of a lot of fun.

Well, now my eyes are finally starting to get tired. I’ll see you all around. Love you all.

another wednesday.

Well, today was a good day at work. I made about 15 bucks in tips, which constitutes a good day. Everyone at work has been calling me “Isaac”, and it’s been getting kind of annoying. I’m not my brother in almost any way. They say it’s because me voice sound like his… and everyone’s ALWAYS been able to tell my voice apart from Isaac’s. Maybe they’re just giving me a hard time. They say he got way too familiar with the girls there while he was working, but I keep telling them I’m different than he was.

My laptop is supposed to be coming in tomorrow, and mom says FedEx usually comes by our house in the morning, so I guess I’ll find out before work. That would be SO COOL if I was to get it before work. SO COOL. But the tracking page on the internet says that it last left NEW JERSEY on Saturday, so we’re thinking, “Well where did the freakin thing GO?”. When I get it, I’m gonna find some way to complain, they should have better service for impatient/worrying people.

Josh came by work today with Min, so I finally got to meet the girl. She seemed… nice… I guess. I mean, it was like all out of the blue and everything, they just kind pulled up, so I really didn’t get to see what she was like or anything. I didn’t get to see them interact, and I guess that’s probably what I was so curious about. I sensed a slightly different air in Josh, though. But it was nothing big… for all I know, I probably act different somehow when I’m with a girl I like.

Well, I don’t have much to write about today… my mind tends to go blank when I sit down sometimes. All I know is I better get my laptop before Saturday, because I have no work and I want to be able to play around with my new toy all day, you know.

See yall around.

a good name limits me.

While some people are struggling under a bad name, I think I may equally struggle under high expectations, and from some a good name. It just struck me. To a lot of people, I am “the good kid”. I think it’s mostly adults in the church that I work around. I think having too good of a name is a struggle too. It gets annoying.

I guess it’s probably because I was with Tom Murphy and some of his friends all afternoon after I left the lake yesterday. I can’t tell you how often those people praise me. Sure, they like to lift people up, but when they tell me “you’re more mature than the other kids”, I don’t like it. I used to like it A LOT, but I can’t stand it anymore. What I tell them when they say that is, “the only big difference between me and them is that I have a job, which has opened me to more discipline than just my parents now.”

I am limited as well, but it’s by having a good name. So many adults expect so much from me, that I always get sad looks when I don’t live up to what they wish I would. It doesn’t run my life, though. I really want to live realistically and be able to explain to these people that I am an average kid who’s gonna mess up. I think the only reason so many adults around the church like me anyways is because they’re probably patronized about me asking about their college and their careers.

On lighter, more interesting notes, yesterday was a blast. It wasn’t like one of those “blasts” where I had so much fun I didn’t know what to do with, but it was a brilliant cap to my weekend and my luscious “five days off work”. It was like having spring break, just pertaining to work. I got to spend some awesome time at the lake swimming, sitting around, eating, playing volleyball, and sword-fighting little kids on the dock with those foam noodle things. It was wonderfully lighthearted, and I feel content and complete with everything that happened yesterday.

Tonight I am meeting with Josh. I don’t know if Chris will be able to come along because he went into McDonald’s for orientation earlier. I’m so proud he got the job, maybe he and I will be able to influence everyone else to get a job. Josh is trying for one. Jenny wants to work at Sonic. I heard through the grapevine that the Woods are gonna try to get Jeremy a job, too. The only bad thing is that we’ll all have conflicting schedules this summer if everyone gets a job. But the good thing is that we’ll all be able to sit down and tell “job stories” when we all finally DO get to get together.

Overall, I’m not sunburned very badly from the lake yesterday, and what is sunburned is turning tan already. People were making fun of me at work today cause of the sunburn. They would say something about me, then go “don’t turn red Noah!” I love the kids I work with, I’m glad they have a sense of humor. There’s nothing worse than working with a bunch of crabs. Danika came in as I left. She looks like a good worker, I think, but you know everyone wants to LOOK like a good worker on their first day.

Well, I’ve made it to my page limit for today. I’ll probably write some more tomorrow as I will probably have some stuff to talk about from our meeting tonight, as usual. See you all around. Love you all.

new song.

in daytime chills. it just came into my head, so i had to make it--immediately.

bought it.

did it. it's mine now. i can't wait until it comes in. it's shipping from new york, so it'll be about a week from now, could take up to ten days to ship. but i swear if ANYTHING happens, i'm gonna go haywire... i may never recover. :P 

gettin better.

Well, I’m definitely feeling better today. I decided I’m still not ready for work yet, though, so I didn’t have to go in. One of the things that sucked worst about being sick yesterday is that THAT was pay day. I was pretty depressed. But I think the worst thing was not getting to see everyone last night. I miss my friends easily.

I had a strange experience last night at 3. I woke up and felt like 110 percent better, but EVERYTHING was stiff. My neck was stiff, my back was stiff, my legs and feet were REAL stiff. It was weird. I had to pull my knees to my chest with my arms so I could stretch them out enough to walk. I felt GREAT, though. So since I slept nearly all day yesterday after my stomach calmed down, I wasn’t very tired anymore when I woke up. So I got up and got some jello and went back to sleep about two hours later.

I’m hoping to go by and pick up my check today. I asked Rick if I could still go get it though I wasn’t working and he said yeah. I WANT TO GET THAT FREAKIN LAPTOP!

Doesn’t look like there’s any way I’m getting to the Ft. Clark thing tomorrow. Everyone seems to forget about Noah when they go do something fun… well accept the ones I can’t hang out with… Oh well, I’ll go see Josh after work or something. Least I’ll still see everyone at Bible Study. The cool thing is that I’m going to the lake Sunday. I specifically asked for Sunday off so I could go, and my dad’s gonna take us. That’s gonna be a fun day. First day off since April 15th.

I’m gonna write more later, prolly when I get my laptop ordered. Prolly tonight or so.

sick as a dog.

Hey everyone. Last night was one of the worst experiences of my life. I probably threw up every thirty minutes for 12 hours straight. I’m feeling a little bit better since noon. Hope to see you all Friday, cause I know I’ll be better by then. Love you all.

sb email 152.

oh. my. gosh.

the new strongbad email is THE MOST HILARIOUS ONE I'VE SEEN IN LIKE A YEAR.

watch it now.

finishing touches to getting a dell.

Today was great. I think I probably feel great all over, too. Even in my toes. I made a stack of bills in tips and added it to the ever-piling-up collection for my Dell. I can say for sure, now *kicks back with crossed ankles rested on desk* that I can buy one tomorrow.

Oh my gosh, that feels so good to say. I’ll finally have a computer of my own. But that’s not the only thing that feels great. What feels greater is that I finished something I’ve started (which is a step in the right direction if I ever wanna be a man). But even more than that, this will be the most expensive thing I’ve EVER bought in all my life. Wow. So, I feel pretty happy now. Just wait til I actually have it in my hands.

So, Sonic was RATHER busy at lunch today. Seriously, the “rush hour” was like a “rush TWO hours-and-a-half”. I was there at 11 and we didn’t chill out until like 1:30 or even almost two. That’s pretty busy folks. On top of all that, we were short a cook and a fountain. So Noah was making drinks, answering the speaker, delivering food, kicking butt, and and takin’ names… well, the last two items are only in fancy, but they sounded good at the end of all those things.

Got another new girl. Twas Danika. Didn’t expect her to apply. So she applied and got hired. It was kinda scary, though, cuz Rick took her out there and talked to her for like and HOUR, and we’re all standing around inside going, “He’s giving her the ‘Sorry, I’m sure we could use you in the future, but we’re not hiring’ talk”. But sure enough, she got hired. I’ve never known her too well, so I don’t know what to expect, but I think Rick’s gonna have ME train her… so I’m all nervous. I’ve never trained, and I’ve only worked there a month and a half.

Among other things, last night was rather accomplishing. Me, Josh, and Nathan hung out and talked about things. Seems like people have been approaching me with wishes of change in the youth group for weeks now, and I don’t know what to make of it. Obviously, there’s a sense of pride in most of them, but ultimately, one can never deny that there’s always room for improvement in the church whether it be in the worship service or the youth group. I don’t feel like I have a place in approaching anyone, so I’m not going to worry about any of it.

And last of all, I’m overall just glad that I’m not sick yet. I’ve been taking every precaution to not get sick, and it’s been since Friday that the first of my family had it, and I’ve lasted this far. I think I might have a chance to get around this. This is the sickness everyone dreads. I think I would rather break a bone than throw up. So, it’s looking like I’ll get to be at AWANA tomorrow night, happy and healthy, so I can help Mr. Ochello with awards.

So, I’ve reached a page-length in Microsoft Word, and my stomach calls for dinner. I’m finishing up right here. Yall have a good day and night.

red alert.

the family's gettin sick. i haven't caught it yet, so i don't know if i'll see anyone until friday or sunday. right now i'm heading to work. pray for our comfort, this is the sickness everyone dreads.

Not much to blog about.

Noah would definitely update his blog more often if Noah had something to write about. Like I’ve stated before, this blog is meant to be more about what I’m learning than what I’m doing because like all blogs are about what people do at school, or who’s driving ‘em nuts. But, I guess maybe I could write more about my days, but I probably couldn’t write a LOT.

I’ve been having a good week at work this week, mainly in the light of how much money I’ve made. I can’t really say that I enjoy work much or that I’m dying to go everyday. I’m not tired of it, but I would just rather relax and hang out with friends and not say anything and just listen to—nothing. That prolly made no sense. It’s so loud at sonic I guess.

I’ve been thinking about colleges lately. As I know I’m going to South West in town next semester, I really have no plans beyond that. All I know is I want to be a whole lot closer than Isaac is to my friends and family you know, people I love. So, I’ve been looking at San Antonio and other closer towns. I’m prolly gonna get on College Board today and run a search for colleges within 150 miles of Del Rio and look at all of them.

…but I have to go to work.

Well, I got a call from Nathan, so I’m just gonna post what I’ve got here.

weekend edition (i need to start numbering these).

How was my weekend? Well, Friday was transforming, Saturday was utterly boring, and Sunday (today) was refreshing.

I have so much to say I can’t say anything it seems. I know now that people read my entries, so it’s like playing music while people are watching you. You’re so nervous you know you’ll mess up or things won’t sound right, you know? Well, I guess it’s not exactly like that, cause I just don’t know how I can type everything all out. Let’s start with Friday I guess.

Had a bad morning… I fell, basically. I’ve gotten into the “habit” of work, it’s been very ritual inside me since I’ve got the job. I guess I just may have applied it incorrectly to my life. Anyhow, so I go to work and get in “work mode” and I forgot about how I fell and it completely left my mind—I was making more money, that’s all I guess I was thinking about. By the way, this story has a good ending; as you can tell, things hit me Friday.

The bad thing about the state of mind I’ve gotten into while working is that I’m in practically NO state of mind. It’s like I’ll work fours a day not being Noah or anything that reflects Noah. I’m not saying I’m being someone I’m not, I’m saying I’m practically a working ROBOT—not thinking (or praying) about things that are going on. It’s like time I never had. I guess I’ve gotten a little too obsessed over “just making money, period dot”.

So, Friday I went to work and “check out of life” I guess. Then my mom picks me up at 4:30, and asks me about my day. She asked me if I fell. God told her.

Right then and there it all hit me. You can allow your mind to wander at the nature of my sin. Yeah, lots of guilt is attached to failure in that area—especially for me as I am trying to become a man someday. I sit there (as if out of my body) and I say to myself. Well, there you go Noah, taking a step BACKWARDS towards being a man someday—there you go Noah, taking a step BACKWARDS into a healthy marriage someday. When I am not thinking about the Spirit, of course, it’ll go in one ear and right out the other—but not on Friday. Things just had to stop—I figured that out.

My mom stopped at the store after we’d talked about it and she suggested I pray and read. Well, she went in and I started praying. God did not hesitate to speak to me, as he never hesitates—ever. God showed me that I was going about my entire journey to be a man the wrong way. He identified my actions. Sure, they were good things like encouraging people, being generous, disciplining certain desires of mine—that stuff. But he showed me that I was being selfish; I wanted something in return.

He simply said to me, “to be a man someday, you must give of everything you have and keep nothing for yourself, you must let people beat you up and not fight back, and you must spend your life living for others.”

A few days ago I wrote about wanting simplicity, not theology, not psychology. This was a pretty plain and simple statement. It’s what I needed, too. It was like no questions needed to be asked. He said everything at once.

Saturday was just immeasurably boring. We won’t even go into detail because there, seriously, was nothing cool about Saturday.

Today was a good day because it was just good enough that it wasn’t bad, and just mild enough that it was too boring. Figuratively, it was like a cool spring morning… except all day. It was like I was riding some peaceful river or something… though that sounded really gay. It was a very peaceful and refreshing day today.

Overall, I am very excited about things to come. I feel a sense of secure spiritually and emotionally, though I am feeling an alertness against temptation. I need to read some tonight to keep my head on straight. And I have a lot of thinking to do tonight.

Until my nest entry.

psychology, theology, i need simplicity.

Oh my gosh I probably have THE MOST perfect headache right now, I have no clue why I’m blogging.

Things have been looking up lately, though I’ve kinda been neglecting reading and praying a lot recently. I think it mostly started about a month ago when I met with a counselor-friend of mine last. I guess we’re not meeting much anymore since I’m working and he never calls. But anyway, he got me really confused this last time around.

He was mostly talking about “identifying my fears and worries and stuff that opens doors for temptation” and everything, and it made sense, but it just seemed all inconsistent with things he’s said before. Like he’s told me it’s not about “staying focused or not staying focused, because we have freedom from sin—we just have to have the revelation of it” or something like that… it’s real confusing.

I’ll go and see him and he’ll LOAD MY HEAD with so much psychological and theological stuff that it just seems like total crap when I get home. I HATE psychology, I think it’s wrong. I think we don’t know humans as well as God does and we never will be able to. It’s just that I’m tired of hearing “well, for most people temptation starts with a fear of ‘such and such’ and on and on”. It’s kinda like that one part in The Kid (starring Bruce Willis) when he keeps telling Amy “You know what the number one killer of middle-aged women is?” and she finally just tells him “I don’t care.” THAT is how I feel about a mix of psychology and theology.

I need to sit down with David Chalk sometime and talk about all this stuff. He’s so NOT psychological about it. Whenever I have said anything to him, two things always happen. First, he gets SO INTERESTED in what you’ve said that you can’t walk away for probably thirty minutes to an hour, and secondly he always looks at things simply and there’s always something simple he’ll tell you that you could try or something simple you didn’t realize.

I guess I just don’t like people looking at me like I’m “another person needing counsel”, but rather as “a person who is missing a small point somewhere down the line that mixed up everything”… I don’t know how to explain it right. Sitting with a “counselor” and sitting with a “pastor”, a “shepherd” is TWO VERY DIFFERENT things. I just hate psychology. It doesn’t seem to give me room to be an individual, just a grouped case.

Anyhow, I was saying that things are looking up. I guess it’s been things are happening again and I’m beginning to see a little bit of my future unfold and opportunities are springing up and I’m feeling very accomplished with my job.

In my whole “journey toward becoming a responsible (among other things) man for Christ and my future family”, finished a job I’ve started is one of those things I’m working on. When I started the whole “journey” idea, I guess I decided I’d put myself through a lot of self-discipline… and getting a job and working hard is one of those things.

Now, don’t get me wrong—Sonic is NOT THAT HARD of work. Doing the hours I do on the weekends is. The fact that I am sacrificing my free time, saving my money, and working as many hours as he can give me (as I requested), is what I am trusting on developing a sense of money value as well as work ethic, responsibility, and all around it’s a fight against laziness.

I’ve hard adults tell me they are proud, and that’s cool I guess. Months ago, I would have taken that and held it high, but now when they tell me that I just wish that they wouldn’t only tell me that because I have a job. I wish adults would tell kids around them that they’re proud of other things besides work. I’ve also had kids tell me they wish they were as hard-working as me, and I haven’t been able to say much besides “once you get used to working, it grows on you.”

Surprisingly, the workplace has changed my outlook on myself (as far as pride goes) too. I have a better sense on teamwork and healthy dependency, I’ve learned to trust people, and I’ve learned to be generous and help people out—forming good relations with the people I work with. They know me as someone who’ll buy them lunch if they need it, or someone who will say sorry if they messed up.

Wow, I guess I haven’t realize that I’ve changed… I hope this’ll be a good summer.

rejuvinated some.

Chris, Josh, and I had an interesting meeting tonight. We really didn’t get to cover much because we ended up first off at Memo’s downtown with a flat tire on Josh’s van and spent an hour fixing it… ask me later, I’ll tell you about it. But we ended up sitting down with donuts at River City and talking for less than an hour.

Looks like we’re going to start a regular meeting like we all planned, and we’re each going to invite someone. We wanna do something fun and constructive, kinda like talks we had at the Van Hook’s with Michelle when Matt would be gone at TDY and stuff. We call it a “discussion group”.

All three of us kinda wanna be able to get something out of it, too, so it’s not necessarily gonna be “hang out time”—more like constructive hang out time. I’m excited.

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Sunday’s message was stimulating. The “call to strive toward maturity—becoming a real man in the eyes of Christ” was reiterated into my system, like CPR. Can’t say I’ve completely got up and am running full speed again, but I was encouraged. Much less moping around was done on Sunday and today, so I have noticed.

Though my entry is short, I felt I’d leave a bit of feedback. I have gotten the picture that more people read this than I thought, so I figured I’d leave something small at least.

If you read this, comment.