life.

It astonishes me that every time I turn around, things seems different than they were when last I left them. I wish I could tend to everything in my life at once, but I’m always getting bogged down into the details of life and let everything get overgrown everywhere else. If that makes no sense, I guess I’m basically feeling like there’s so much in my life that I can’t manage it all. And there’s no allusions or hidden meanings in what I’m typing. I feel like a wimp who can’t lift a heavy box or something.

I strike out with confidence toward something and everything else behind me goes wrong. Why can’t I manage? Why can’t I handle things? Times like these make me feel like such a failure.

……………………………………………………

Talked with Lawrence just now, and he kinda helped me realize some things I wasn’t thinking about. I guess it all kinda ties up everything that going on right now, too. He helped me realize you know what, I’m not “finished” yet. There’s still a lot of time between right now and… well, whenever, I guess. At least there’s a year between me and being out on my own, there’s a day between me and tomorrow and even one hour can change my entire life.

Everywhere I’ve turned lately I’ve heard one phrase OVER AND OVER. “You should just take things a day at a time… you don’t know what tomorrow’s gonna bring.” There’s a lot of days ahead, and I’m ready for them. I feel confident in knowing I’m not finished yet and I think bad things will get better.

It’s just those times when I get myself into a something with no easy way out, and I didn’t think twice about it before. Then I got to make a big decision that’s just gonna screw a lot of things up and hurt people. It’s so bittersweet when you have to take a hard perspective toward something you want so bad and have to make changes. It’s so hard to wait on life sometimes.

I still feel very confident in my future… and I can’t WAIT for what it will hold. All the days ahead will just be spent in waiting. But waiting on things you trust is a lesser battle.

"Whom shall I blame for this sweet and heavy trouble? For every stupid struggle, I don't know. I could buy you a drink. I could tell you all about it. I could tell you why I doubted and why I still believe." - Pedro the Lion.