psychology, theology, i need simplicity.

Oh my gosh I probably have THE MOST perfect headache right now, I have no clue why I’m blogging.

Things have been looking up lately, though I’ve kinda been neglecting reading and praying a lot recently. I think it mostly started about a month ago when I met with a counselor-friend of mine last. I guess we’re not meeting much anymore since I’m working and he never calls. But anyway, he got me really confused this last time around.

He was mostly talking about “identifying my fears and worries and stuff that opens doors for temptation” and everything, and it made sense, but it just seemed all inconsistent with things he’s said before. Like he’s told me it’s not about “staying focused or not staying focused, because we have freedom from sin—we just have to have the revelation of it” or something like that… it’s real confusing.

I’ll go and see him and he’ll LOAD MY HEAD with so much psychological and theological stuff that it just seems like total crap when I get home. I HATE psychology, I think it’s wrong. I think we don’t know humans as well as God does and we never will be able to. It’s just that I’m tired of hearing “well, for most people temptation starts with a fear of ‘such and such’ and on and on”. It’s kinda like that one part in The Kid (starring Bruce Willis) when he keeps telling Amy “You know what the number one killer of middle-aged women is?” and she finally just tells him “I don’t care.” THAT is how I feel about a mix of psychology and theology.

I need to sit down with David Chalk sometime and talk about all this stuff. He’s so NOT psychological about it. Whenever I have said anything to him, two things always happen. First, he gets SO INTERESTED in what you’ve said that you can’t walk away for probably thirty minutes to an hour, and secondly he always looks at things simply and there’s always something simple he’ll tell you that you could try or something simple you didn’t realize.

I guess I just don’t like people looking at me like I’m “another person needing counsel”, but rather as “a person who is missing a small point somewhere down the line that mixed up everything”… I don’t know how to explain it right. Sitting with a “counselor” and sitting with a “pastor”, a “shepherd” is TWO VERY DIFFERENT things. I just hate psychology. It doesn’t seem to give me room to be an individual, just a grouped case.

Anyhow, I was saying that things are looking up. I guess it’s been things are happening again and I’m beginning to see a little bit of my future unfold and opportunities are springing up and I’m feeling very accomplished with my job.

In my whole “journey toward becoming a responsible (among other things) man for Christ and my future family”, finished a job I’ve started is one of those things I’m working on. When I started the whole “journey” idea, I guess I decided I’d put myself through a lot of self-discipline… and getting a job and working hard is one of those things.

Now, don’t get me wrong—Sonic is NOT THAT HARD of work. Doing the hours I do on the weekends is. The fact that I am sacrificing my free time, saving my money, and working as many hours as he can give me (as I requested), is what I am trusting on developing a sense of money value as well as work ethic, responsibility, and all around it’s a fight against laziness.

I’ve hard adults tell me they are proud, and that’s cool I guess. Months ago, I would have taken that and held it high, but now when they tell me that I just wish that they wouldn’t only tell me that because I have a job. I wish adults would tell kids around them that they’re proud of other things besides work. I’ve also had kids tell me they wish they were as hard-working as me, and I haven’t been able to say much besides “once you get used to working, it grows on you.”

Surprisingly, the workplace has changed my outlook on myself (as far as pride goes) too. I have a better sense on teamwork and healthy dependency, I’ve learned to trust people, and I’ve learned to be generous and help people out—forming good relations with the people I work with. They know me as someone who’ll buy them lunch if they need it, or someone who will say sorry if they messed up.

Wow, I guess I haven’t realize that I’ve changed… I hope this’ll be a good summer.