tryin on all the hats.

This is a “brainstorm” blog from late last night… it’s all over the place.

I know this is probably expected to be a “highly intelligible” blog and everything, but, heck, I gotta step away from that every once in a while or I’ll burn out. Besides, I failed at “highly intelligible” a long time ago when there was that enormous pause between each blog way back last fall. I guess my mind went back or something. Ok, so what’s my “non-intelligible” topic? Well, I was sitting down and I was wondering,

What would the world of today be like if I never existed?

See? Pretty generic topic, eh? Well, I’ve lately been learning to explore figments of my curiosity—you know, doing things I’ve never done before, saying things I’ve never thought of before, thinking about and exploring things I’ve never really cared about… that kinda stuff.

I sat back for a moment and thought about it. I wonder if anyone would be like DEAD or anything. I mean, I don’t remember saving anyone’s life or anything, but you never know, you know? What if my life like got in the way of some evil menace’s mighty plan to steal all the gold in America or something and if I was never born, America would no longer have any gold and it’d be somewhere in like Venezuela building palaces for Chavez or something. You know I’ve heard so much about the guy, but I’ve got no clue who he is or what he does.

So in another good example of my exploration of curiosity, I was talking with Mara the other day and I just had to ask her if she’d ever been in a watermelon-seed-spitting contest. I have no clue why, but I just HAD to ask her. I’ve always enjoyed them, you know. Well, she steams all up and like gets mad at me for asking her something random. It was kinda depressing.

So I said to her something like, “would you rather sit around with someone who’s gonna talk about TV or their girlfriend or school or some crap like that, or would you rather be with someone who you’re gonna hear something NEW from every once in a while?” And I guess she understood where I was coming from, but she’d never heard of a watermelon-seed-spitting contest before and I wasn’t surprised. I figured she might have seen one on TV or something at least, but I was wrong. I explained the concept and she just reiterated how I was weird.

Isaac used to use the title “TV kids” all the time when he was a senior and had just had enough of all the kids at school. I think I’m starting to understand a little. It’s not that I can’t stand the kids at school or anything, it’s quite the contrary—I MISS THEM TO DEATH! It’s that I can’t stand TV. Seriously, that trip to Houston last weekend probably scarred for life. I can’t sit down and watch ANY MORE CABLE for probably a year.

There’s SO MUCH CRAP on the thing, it’s no wonder kids who sit around all day and watch it ARE the way they are. Makes you cry deep in your soul for them cause you know they’re the kinda kids who have never swam in a real creek or gone on a walk alone just to explore the neighborhood. Seems like they all kinda survive because there’s plenty of them out there to pair up with and talk about who’s dating who on Reality Teen Love Central or something like that. It glorifies self-image.

How’s this for a question… what would the world be like WITHOUT TV today? I guess it’s pretty useful for business and everything, and for news… who knows, those are the only things I ever watch. Does all this “self-image” crap come from things like TV? I know arrogance is always present, but I don’t think TV helps anyone. I know that “style” is largely glorified on TV. I don’t think the punk, goth, and emo scenes would’ve spreaded so easily without MTV and movies and stuff.

Know something weird? I heard “emo music” called “E-M-O rock” tonight. I thought that was crazy. I’d never heard it before, you know. And I knew what it was, but I just had to ask to make sure. WOW, emo has really evolved in the past few years. There’s kids who show me their “emo music” these days and I’m like “What?” where’s emo in this? I was surprised to find out mostly this year that most “emo bands” these days sound all punky and everything. I’m still saying that emo is stuff like Pedro the Lion… bands that play quiet, yet climactic music. And if they scream, they don’t make a big fuss out of it at all, they don’t even record it twice to make sure it sounds hot.

Hahaha, I just discovered that David Bazaan actually screams in the original recording of “Almost There”. I had only heard the Whole EP like once until I downloaded it the other day. It’s SO GOOD. I don’t even know why I’m talking about music, I don’t even really listen to it that much.

I was at the mewithoutYou webpage yesterday. Dude, I had no clue about Aaron Weiss. The guy’s a regular Rich Mullins. His journal entries are crazy. But it was kinda depressing because he has like 20 of them and the other guys have like one or two and they’re all total crap. Aaron Weiss kinda reminds me of myself in that he writes in order to teach others and himself—but mostly to teach himself.

I find that if I journal or make personal notes it helps me figure things out in my life. I guess when I see it in writing, right before my eyes, what’s coming straight out of me (you know), it really hits me hard if it’s something that’s not good. At least most of the time it does. I posted a journal entry a few days back that never hit me after I read it.

You know what I found out? God speaks to me. He literally does. I seriously sat down in bed this morning and had a conversation with God about being lonely. He doesn’t really say much, but he always corrects my thinking. Most of what he says to me can be summed up with “Wow, you’re stupid… you know better than that!” But it’s really cool. I guess I finally really God IS my conscience.