state of our union: good.

No kidding, these past three days have probably taught me more than I have learned in a while, and it was all through conclusions, or realizations, that I came to. It’s definitely no joke when they say the Spirit talks to us, because I know he’s got a seat in my conscience.

It all started this week and the first realization came Friday. Issues I’m not going to discuss (because they aren’t important) were just driving me crazy all week long until Friday night. The point is that I was being driven crazy, not WHAT was driving me crazy. Friday night brought me to sit down and think about my life in one way or another—I think it was probably because Jenny asked me what was going on, and why I was being so quiet.

Well, on thinking about my life I can’t say I had the best and most enjoyable experience—it was quite the contrary. On Friday night I realized how much I really hate what my life results in when I do things on my own. I would regret to say (but will openly admit) that I haven’t done so well in the past week or so (half the reason why I haven’t been blogging as much about spiritual things) and that’s why I was able to look at my life as I live it alone on Friday night.

I was basically fully able to sit down and admit to the people that I talked to that “I hate my life”. But I didn’t understand it until last night. It really slapped me in the face when and I could actually sit down and say “I hate my life”.

Is there a way that we can properly surrender our lives to Christ without hating sin and our sinful tendencies? I think that at least it would be very hard and I can tell you from the way I am feeling right now that it has largely improved my understanding salvation now that I was able to admit to others (having come to the conclusion) that I hate my life.

Life can really suck when we’re doing it on our own, and that’s exactly why I’m better off than I was when I WAS doing it all on my own. At least I was granted the grace to live through it this time and come to this conclusion.

Well, Friday night treated me pretty bad. And that night was worse. I lied in bed all night depressed that I can’t stand my life. But Saturday brought me such joy that I can’t express how much I’m blessed—really.

Yesterday I spent all day out of town with friends watching a track meet. And we didn’t do anything like all day except sit around and enjoy each other. What a compliment to Friday night yesterday was! Saturday taught about how much I may hate my life, but people love me. Though it may have annoyed me a little yesterday I feel so loved right now that everyone wanted me to just be there and hang out with them.

So that’s what we did—all day… just hang out and have fun, and I think that I’ve probably had the best weekend of my life. And seriously, knowing that God gave this all to me one realization of harsh reality coupled with (and complimented by) a realization of a loving reality so that my life can improve makes me love him even more. Today the state of our union is good.