love.

I was thinking yesterday: wouldn’t it be so weird if God just came down (upon request or something) and told us if we were ever gonna marry, and if so who? Seriously, to me, that’d be like the coolest thing in the world cause I could rest my heart, you know? Either that or I could get working on it if I knew the person already or something.

Cause I know me—I never stop looking. And half the time I’m not doing it on purpose. Sometimes I really hate the way my heart was put together; it just gets in the way of things all the time. I can’t ever live a certain way the right way without something coming up. I’m always falling in love with someone. It’s total crap and I wish I could control it.

I guess that’s probably why I was thinking that yesterday. It gets so bad sometimes that if I sit down and think about someone long enough, *snap of the fingers* I fall in love with them. IT REALLY SUCKS. I hate being all sentimental and everything.

So if God was to come down and tell me “You’re gonna be single your entire life”, it’d be real hard, but I’d be better off than I am now cause I wouldn’t have my heart falling all over place over all these girls. I could be at rest, you know?

You ever gone out with someone you don’t love? It’s like eating Frosted Mini Wheats when you have a cold. You know what you’re eating but you can’t taste it and it’s just like chewing up a bunch of weeds. I can’t believe I’ve ever gone out with someone I didn’t actually know very well at all. But in the end, I can actually say I don’t regret it as much as going out with someone I knew quite well cause it didn’t hurt like at all when it ended, as opposed to it nearly tearing me APART a year ago.

Wow and I have a lot of friends who’ve always got some kinda love going, too. I guess I’m not the only one. But I know not everyone has the problem I do. But it seems like everyone’s got an “other half” right now. It gets kinda lonely sometimes when you sit down with a friend and all they talk about is their “other half”. It’s like either you wish they’d talk about something else, or you really miss the times when you used to be able to talk about YOUR “other half”. Wow, it’s been two years since when I started talking to Melanie for the first time.

Know what, it says it on Jenny’s shoelaces so I think I’ll agree—love sucks, and I’m glad I’m not in love today. I’m hoping this’ll last a little while too, cause I feel like having a good life right now.