oh yes, tidbits.

…if anyone’s interested, I opened a site where I am posting funny videos I am making. Click the link below

www.pippenfamily.com/tidbits

sitting down.

Well, it’s been a good last couple of (two or so) weeks. I’ve been able to find a way to (figuratively) sit my life down. I’m like barely “living” anymore. It’s really awesome. Ok, you prolly don’t understand… let me explain.

Sometimes my life really races by. It’s hard when that happens, too. I’m always on my feet about something someone said or something someone did or even something someone is thinking about doing. I’ve been able these past few weeks, since I’ve posted last, to “sit my life down” and stop living. But I needed to do that. My life shouldn’t be all about activity. I think there should be a good balance of peace involved, you know.

So anyways, the physical aspect of this is: I’ve been doing a lot of stuff alone recently. And if I’m not alone, I'm with different people than usual. You'd be surprised at how many adults I’ve been hanging out with recently. I went to the Grounds on Friday night and mostly hung out with/talked to adults the whole time. It’s kinda weird for me to do that.

However, I think a lot of the adults understand me better than the kids I hang out with/talk to, and I think they probably care more (or at least care in a different way, and probably a more founded way… for lack of better terms).

But as you might imagine, this has helped school to be easier and better. I can just kinda walk around and say nothing and do nothing really (except play the awesome card game RPG thing I invented), and I’ve been able to start hanging out with a lot of other kids I didn’t really know (prior) and those I don’t really care whether or not they accept me (particularly freshmen).

Excuse me for well badly-formed sentence structure; I am very guilty of that tonight. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, I swear.

So yeah, I went and hung out with “the group” this afternoon, after it’s been like a month probably since I’ve “gone out” and done anything with them. I mean, heck, I see them at school and stuff, but it’s different to take out your whole weekend with them. But yeah, nothing’s changed there. I didn’t really expect anything had. I mean, thing’s have sorta changed, but ultimately things are kinda the same. Face value is the same there, that’s for sure.

Also, Nathan went along with us. I sure hope he had a good time, seemed like he did, but he’s always got a strange perspective, so I’ll hit him up later and see how things went inside his head. However, I wouldn’t be surprised if he feels the same way as most outsiders do about “the group”, he’s kinda like that. I’m glad I’m finding people who think the way I do. It’s good to be able to “sit down” with people.

So yeah… hopefully this week stays the same.

bugs in my ears.

You know it’s going bad when you think you’ve had so much that much more is just gonna make you pop, …then some even MORE outrageous happens. Hahaha, I am able to commend myself a little for not exploding in the midst of public, too. I’m so glad that I don’t do it. Two years ago when I went to ACHS, it was the story of my life. But anyways, back on subject.

I’ve had just about all I can take… I’m sorry, I’m not gonna give a lot of details, but I’ll let you know what kinda subject matter’s getting me like this. As always, it would take far too long to explain everything in detail, so I will start with what’s going on and work backwards from there.

Basically, even though there’s no more fighting between kids, there’s WAY TOO MUCH gossip for my ears to handle. Gee, I probably sound like I’m trying to be all righteous, but honestly who’s gonna read this that I’m worried about sounding righteous to? And since when recently have I wanted to act righteous? Well I don’t have to prove anything to you. You probably aren’t interested, or you wouldn’t know anyways. I’ve kept to myself recently.

I don’t know, maybe I’m overreacting, but it’s sad when you walk up to a friend or two at school who will nod their head in Bible Study when we say “shouldn’t gossip!” and YOU FIND THEM GOSSIPING. Don’t care how mad you are! I’m sorry, I really don’t care. You can’t live double lives like this. Then you’ll approach them about it, and they’ll give you a defense or something, but if you finally show them it was wrong, they’ll give you something like, “yeah, guess it wasn’t a good idea, huh?” Heck NO. Especially when we’ve been trying to get all this fighting behind us.

…ok, yeah I’m getting riled. I’m gonna stop typing now.

folding out.

Well I’m not going to take the time to explain what's been going on (politics) in Del Rio recently. I’ve already done that to too many people, and I think too many of them misused it. But everything's been folding out into just what is now a blank, flat piece of paper.

I’m not going to begin to explain the way things have been making me feel because I think if I was trying to put it into words, I’d end up adding things here and there that aren't completely true and I’d end up making myself believe these things. Someday I’m sure I’d look back and say "wonder where that came from", cuz that's what always happens.

It’s been about 2 months since I’ve been in this certain state of mind that has saved me from myself, and sleepless nights (to say the least). Most people hate me for it, but other people look up to me for it. It’s the people looking up to me for this that worry me, though. I’ve never been looked up to before. I’ve seen Isaac looked up to, but he's gone now.

It’s incredible, too. People at school even do the things I do. And it's not like the whole " 'younger brother does what older brother does' complex", it's more like "hey, that guy is cool and I wanna do that, too" complex. I take it back now, now that I’ve thought again, I DID have some people copy me, but not many. I was never a popular kid. but I used to hate it when people copied me, especially because I usually has the really abstract ideas come straight out of my mind, and I couldn't stand other people "being abstract". But I don't care anymore.

When it gets to the point, however, when your Christian brothers (and even sisters) copy you and end up faking Christianity, it's VERY WRONG. That’s why I am worried. I’m afraid this would happen. However, I have a lot of confidence in my Christian friends not to do any of this. It’s just that there have been times in my life, in my faith, that I have looked up to a Christian who was "further down the road" (further in understanding) than I was, and I wanted to be there. So, in order to "be there" immediately, I just started to do everything he did. This is bad cuz you can't "do what you wanna do, and do this" at the same time, whereas when you "get there" through training and time (and all the other things it takes), "doing what you wanna do" is what Christ wants to do. This becomes your desire.

About 2 months back I made the decision to distance myself from a lot of people. Now, most people think it's a wrong decision. Most people don't understand it, and they accuse me of "dropping" people. Well it's not a cruel thing, and it's not a careless thing. To tell the truth, it's more like a "care free" thing. But I realized my life was dependant on people. Now, not literally, it wasn't a life or death situation, but you know what I mean: emotions and even spirituality. Besides, I try to flee from pressure. in order to correctly understand the nature of my decision let me assure you that 1) I still talk to these people 2) I still go places with these people 3) I am still there if they need me. But, I can't live in the same field with them anymore; I need to be exploring truth on my own... more like, I need to be exploring truth, PERIOD.

Bible study last night was really confusing. It was normal at first: we sung, then talked a little, prayed, and had the lesson. But matt decided to do something different afterwards. He called it "after-glow" or something like that. We basically sang songs and read scripture in between. Sort of like the meditation that proverbs talks about and stuff. I read a few psalms and some other scriptures that I thought went along with the same point as the songs, and it all kinda sunk into everyone like a sponge. IT FELT SO HEALTHY. I don't think I’ve ever done anything like that in years. It was just a time to worship and let it all sink in, to stop and settle down. And we WERE settled down, we were like laying on the floor and the couches, it was awesome, literally awesome.

I think it got a lot of the kids there to think, and that's another reason why it was so awesome. A few of us even started crying. I guess it's hard when you live your life like a surfer and when the waves are gone and you're forced back to the shore, you have nothing left to do but look at your surrounding and everything you've been away from all day or all week, month, or year.

But I’m praying for them and I felt the convicting too. I know where to go and what to do. I realized last night that I felt steady in the presence of him with us and YOU DON'T KNOW HOW REWARDING IT FEELS. I’ve always done things for months on end, thinking I’d be right in the end, but never felt steady and sure in his presence, especially when I prayed. But I was last night.
    

flood.

well it's flooded here. there's no way to get home so i am at the van hooks house. not much to do. course i have a computer before my fingers, so in reality, there's lots to do, but it's not like having my own computer. i kinda miss it.

school's been going ok. i am considering leaving achs, though, cuz i don't have enough freetime after all my homework and web work is done. i am thinking i can successfully leave the school, do school at home, do my work, and have plenty of time left over for freetime and possibly even another job. plus i'll be able to keep all my money instead of sending myself to school with it.

music's been pretty dormant recently. it's kinda depressing. i mean, i'm coming up with stuff all the time, but as you can tell from my description of my present situation with freetime, i haven't had much time at all to record anything. this time around, however (when i finally do put something out), i'm going to be putting out two records because it'll be two totally different styles that i just cant mix.

the first record with be called "the apple tree" and is all techno and fantasy, kinda like "day watch night watch" (my most recent one). the second one is named after this blog "my life is the stew in the pot of my facade". this one will be a whole lot more labored and will consist of mostly piano and softer synth pad sounds. it's gonna be quite a trip.

work has been going well. my project at thegroundsonline (TGO) has been growing and growing and growing. it's finally becoming more and more like a real webpage that will be useful to people, rather than a crappy, empty page that's worth nothing. it's at www.thegroundsonline.com if you're interested.

my personal webpage has been completely changed around and stuff, it's at www.pippenfamily.com/noah.

oh boy, i've been picking up photography again, too. about a year back, i created what i called "photo art", which was basically "photoshopped photos" (meaning they were altered) to make them look all cool. i've been doing those again and been making some pretty cool looking stuff. i am planning on making my photo shoot for "my life is the stew" pretty abstract...

well that's an update from me.

welcome.

hello, welcome to my blog. you must forgive me, though, i'm a bit tried for time. i will be posting sometime tomorrow for sure. i have school in the morning and no one else does, so i need to prepare some stuff for the morning.

as for today i did nothing besides work... it was kinda depressing. well, be satisfied that i wrote something.