april update.

Well I guess it’s been about a week since I’ve blogged last. I really haven’t put much about what’s going on outside my head lately for those of you who know me but don’t see me everyday. So, this will be another one of those “update posts”.

I am now employed at Sonic, the same one Isaac worked at before me. And, believe me, I’ve got the job because of him. I am pretty much known exclusively as “Isaac's brother”. It really doesn’t bother me, though. I am making tons of money and I’m gonna do whatever it takes to get me a laptop and a car before school next semester.

Yes folks, it looks like I’m heading to college. Course, it’s not really gonna be that big of a deal this first year cause I’m staying here in town to do my basics, but that’ll still require me to have a car and a computer… which is why I’m working. I am probably going to apply to Texas A&M and some private colleges pretty soon.

I’ve decided on getting a laptop first this summer for a few reasons. One, because I just want one so darn bad. Two, because I won’t be driving until August legally, so I might as well wait to get a car. And three is because I want to try to pick up more webpage jobs this summer and an easy way I can do that is to have a “portable office”—a package deal I can show off to any perspective client. And besides, I know I’ll have plenty of those “sitting-around-bored days” this summer and I want a system that’ll run Halo besides Xbox.

That’s mostly all that’s going on… plus I’m tired so I’ll probably write more tomorrow about other things.

wake up from your sleep.

Just read Ephesians 5, which is aptly titled “wake up from your sleep” in my Bible. I’ve noticed that falling into temptation is just like sleep—conscious at first, but subconscious as it slowly takes you over. You may lie down in bed to “rest”, knowing fully well that sleep may overtake you—or, giving it “crawl space” to do so. All it needs is a little push to get it swinging freely, a little spark to get a forest fire. As soon as it overtakes you, full understanding of what’s going on, what things are being let fly, is no longer present and compromise after compromise cuts you in half, then into quarters, then eighths. I keep applying Jesus Christ Hand Lotion—I did it today.

who i am hates who i've been.

I’ve got a handle on why I’ve been so depressed lately. I’ve been trying to claim Christ and make my own decisions at the same time. Now, I’m not talking about the insignificant decisions like, “I will breathe now”—I’m talking about the life decisions like “I will go to college next year”… will I? That’s when I start getting stressed, worried, or depressed about things.

Just read in Romans 4:27-28 “What we’ve figured out is this: God does not respond to what we do; we respond to what God does. We’ve finally figured it out. Our lives get in step with God and all others by letting him set the pace, not by proudly or anxiously trying to run the parade.”

I bolded proudly because I have a pride problem, but I also bolded “anxiously trying” because that’s exactly how it’s been. I’ve been so anxious for things lately. I’ve been anxious to grow up and be a real man and live for Christ, but I’ve been trying to do it my way. But also “trying” is exactly what’s it’s been as well. “Trying” means you can’t really do it, and I wish I’d paid more attention to that lately.

I’ve done plenty of sitting in bed hating myself in my life, and I remember the words coming out of my mouth to another person, “I’ve figured out that when I start pulling my own strings to run my life, things don’t work out and I find myself in bed, sick, tired, and worried.” How often I never even listen to my own words.

I remember yet another time saying to a friend, “Are you not content with what God has already given you? Stop trying to add things to your life, you don’t even need them!” I thank the Lord for those words for I’m sure they were from Him to those people, but I also thank the Lord that I can sit back now and listen to what I’ve said and compare it to who I’ve been—and weep sometimes.

I prayed desperately last night because I was at the point of tears with everything that’s been on my hands. Even through the prayer I guess I didn’t understand until today I was/am “trying to run the parade” myself. It’s funny how God doesn’t answer you immediately sometimes so that you can learn later and look back on things, making it more emphasized.

grace-granted holiness-rooted tree grafts

I wanted to comment on this passage here that I found very interesting today. I also want to say how awesome it is that everything in the Bible relates to each other, and how whenever I pick up the Bible, I can’t find something that doesn’t immediately teach me a lesson in any given day. I just wish I remembered this more often, because though I may be quick to pick up recommended Christian books, I often forget to pick up the Book that all wisdom comes from.

This passage is from the Message reading Bible by Eugene Peterson. It made a lot of sense to me in my battle against pride over other Christians who aren’t on the road. My comments will be in brackets. Romans 11:16-24

Behind and underneath all this there is a holy, God-planted, God-tended root. If the primary root of the tree is holy, there’s bound to be some holy fruit. Some of the tree’s branches were pruned and you wild olive shoots were grafted in [If you didn’t read the context around this passage, he’s talking to the non-Jews]. Yet the fact that you are now fed by that rich and holy root gives you no cause to crow over the pruned branches [He’s just saying the “newcomers” are no higher than the Jews who’d fallen away]. Remember, you aren’t feeding the root; the root is feeding you [get your pride out of your mind!].

It’s certainly possible to say, “Other branches were pruned so that I could be grafted in!” Well and good. But they were pruned because they were deadwood, no longer connected by belief and commitment to the root [sure, those who have fallen away may not be part of the plan right now…]. The only reason you’re on the tree is because your graft “took” when you believed, and because you’re connected to that belief-nurturing root [when we surrender, we have to give up our lives. He’s giving the ones whose grafts took a pat on the back here, but then he goes on…]. So don’t get cocky and strut your branch [Eph 2:8-9 – saved by GRACE, no one can BOAST]. Be humbly mindful of the root that keeps you lithe and green.

[Remember, this is the “holy root” from God. We have no holiness in us. We may think we can be holy, but holiness is not defined by good actions, it’s defined by a good heart. Who changes our hearts? Not us! We can’t do that ourselves. I’ve tried before—sure I could do some pretty nice things for a while, but not coming out of a moldy heart.

This whole picture is us as Christians grafted into God’s plan for us to shine His light throughout the world. The “root” is the Spirit in us. This root keeps us “lithe and green”—not from ourselves, not by any nice thing we might do. No one can boast about themselves. But, boast about Christ, He is wonderful!]

If God didn’t think twice about taking pruning shears to the natural branches, why would he hesitate over you? He wouldn’t give it a second thought [don’t let pride take you over like sin took over the “deadwood branches”]. Make sure you stay alert to these qualities of gentle kindness and ruthless severity that exist side by side in God—ruthless with the deadwood [Matthew talks about going to a friend you see falling away. You’ve heard the process—if he doesn’t listen, take a brother, if he still doesn’t, you should take him before the church, etc.—when this says “ruthless”, I really think he means these kinds of actions. These “deadwood branches” used to be in the tree, so they’ve seen the Light and they know better.] gentle with the grafted shoot. But don’t presume on this gentleness. The moment you become deadwood, you’re out of there.

And don’t get to feeling superior to those pruned branches down on the ground [don’t look at other believers who aren’t on the road and get proud about you’re your position]. If they don’t persist in remaining deadwood, they could very well get grafted back in [you could be workin’ next to ‘em next Sunday]. God can do that. He can perform miracle grafts. Why, if he could graft you—branches cut from a tree out in the wild [wow, does that put us in our place or WHAT?]—into an orchard tree, he certainly isn’t going to have any trouble grafting branches back into the tree they grew from in the first place. Just be glad you’re in the tree [and thank Christ with everything in you], and hope for the best for the others [teaching others, not telling others].

…so what do you think? Puts us in our places, huh? Well it does to me. So, in essence, we are “grace-granted holy-rooted tree grafts”. Does any of that sound like we did anything on our own? I have a bit of trouble sometimes—I get prideful when I find myself walking on the road again and I see others who aren’t. There’s people who might try to explain it to me logically, and it’ll stick for a little while and I’ll be fine, but I guess the Bible’s always gonna be the one who spells it all ultimately out for me.

he is the deliverer.

I’ve begun to realize that I’ve used Jesus as a lotion to make my callused hands soft, scissors to cut my wandering hair, or cologne to override any odor. I’ve claimed him as a mask to shut out others or an excuse to jump in forbidden waters. I’ve been pushing limits, skewing lines, and lurking at my neighbors’ doors to catch some luring scents and captivating images. It’s awfully simple—I sought my own gain, self-advancing to the end, using everyone and everything to get.

The greatest irony of it all is grace, which teaches me a lesson with the downside of every step I’m taking away from Christ. Grace abounds in my darkest times, and I have ignored it often. In times of deception and shame, I am driven farther and farther from Christ, as if running would justify my guilty feelings. Yet I smile to a waving passerby, people at church, or my mom.

A few peaceful days will show me just how much Jesus reward those who follow him—step by step. But also, they show me how wildly I lived, like a drinking cowboy—only in spirit. But in the end how much worse would I be if I was a partying cowboy than a pure oxymoron claiming Christ as my “Wonderful Savior”?

“Oh God, You are my God. And I will ever praise you! I will seek You in the morning, and I will learn to walk in Your ways. And step by step You’ll lead me, and I will follow You all of my days.” My heart should echo these words. If I step toward the goal, I should continue toward that goal, and not quit after the first fall—or the second. And I should seek Him every day.

He is the deliverer.