all of it was a game.

All of it was a game, you’re right. Because now you are fighting for your victory and my loss, but how did it really end? You think you know my intentions start to finish, but you were never able to tell if I felt the same as you at a given moment when we were “such a pair”. Knowledge doesn’t walk straight through your front door and turn on the TV, he spends a while on your front porch in short visits until he gets comfortable.

I thought I was doing something right when I turned my back on my promises. Now I know I was right. I didn’t change my mind, you changed it. Now you fly your colors. Now everyone does. Fine bunch of lads, fine bunch of gals. Bunch of worthless aimless crusaders barfing the name of God and stabbing themselves in the chest in front of the poor. I’ve forgotten the days I met you all.

Seems like if I’m a liar and people know it, I am hated. Seems like if I lie and people don’t know it, I’m loved but I hate myself. Then it seems like if I surrender my lying and change my ways, I am hated by people but I can live with myself. I can live with myself, that’s why I turned my back.
I’d rather leave my lover than lie to those closer. My dad comes first. He was right about the whole thing before it began. He told me how it would end up. It came to pass as thus.

Now you fight. But who are you fighting for? Who are you fighting against? If I’m the enemy, you have missed me by miles, cause I’m way down the road. I’ve been on my way now for over two months to forgetting this all, and it will all be gone in my mind quicker than it will in yours. So who really won the game? Who is the one who is fighting diehard to cover up a loss? Only one of us feels loss.

And you all can point at me. You all, feel free. Yeah, I’ve cussed people out and I’m not perhaps the best romance. I spoiled your food, your ever-so-tasty tidbits because I didn’t fit the line. You decided you’d send me to hell with my disbelieving brothers. I missed your mark. You are God himself.

There is no God. You all just have a guilt problem and there’s a fantastic solution for 25 bucks in book stores, if you buy the leather-bound version.

I won’t be a fool.